63 – The Importance of Small Things (especially if made of wire)

When Cecily Fingal prepares, she does so properly. No detail is overlooked. For today’s talk (which is similar to the one she gave to the Llustat Women’s Institute last year) she has selected two hundred and fifty colour slides from her archive showing her at work with the disadvantaged of Herefordshire, the alienated young women of Shropshire and the underprivileged of Monmouthshire. Each image is accompanied by a short explanatory sentence (16 seconds) so that the whole presentation should take almost an hour and five minutes (including questions).  As she starts, a small wire in the projector overheats, and there is a delay of twenty seconds in changing each slide.

62 – The collapse of the state

The coming week’s star activities at the Gwair Autumnal include talks by Axel Sanciere (Deconstruct the Scaffold), Melanie Grintclaw (The Amazing Morality of Self-Interest), and Cecily Fingal (A Fidget’s Guide to Knitting). There will also be a Pasolini film-evening (sponsored by the Gwair Communist Alliance) at the Village Hall with organic refreshments served by Wilfriede Organdy during the interval at Frabjous Tea Rooms. Sadly however the week starts with a minor catastrophe when Hamentash Yumble, already disconcerted by the reaction to his talk, is giving an animated tour of his exhibition on the third floor gallery of Yifitsinprint Books, when the floor collapses as a result of chronic woodworm infestation. 

61 – The gradual decline of Hamentash Yumble

Is it not surprising that the audience are not swooning over Hamentash Yumble (which is the normal reaction he expects). For a start the Gwair Autumnal enthusiasts are not run-of-the-mill colour supplement readers. They are discerning. And today they discern very clearly that Yumble has a hangover, has lost his notes, and above all is unable to present any of the original works for which he has made his name. The fate of the chiaroscuro drip images is unfortunate.  After child genius Kolya hung them out on the washing line, the weather turned and a heavy downpour drenched the canvases, changing the style to extreme drip and very blurred chiaroscuro.

60 - Dirty washing

The visit of Hamentash Yumble causes ripples across the staid life of Samuel Quinine. Together with Malvolio Claxendel, they sit discussing zoology over vodka and smoked salmon bagels until four in the morning when they all collapse incoherently into beds in the garden shed at Shambhala. Unlike his companions, poor Quinine has to rise early to prepare breakfast for the infant genius, Kolya. The child is interested in Yumble’s portfolio of chiaroscuro drip images (passé work of course, but Kolya likes it). When Samuel goes out to hang out the young one’s nappies to dry, he discovers that the infant genius has already filled the washing line with Yumble’s masterpieces.

59 - Beetlemania

Today marks the beginning of the Gwair Autumnal Bookfest. The first speaker is Hamentash Yumble, who has been invited down by Malvolio Claxendell to speak about the role of eccentric art in resolving propaganda conflict. Having prepared assiduously all morning by scribbling down a few words, and then spending four and a half hours choosing a downmarket outfit at Aberystwyth and Crotch, Yumble is now speeding westward to Gwair in his new purple Bugatti Veyron. Meanwhile, the staff at Yifitsinprint Books are preparing a bijou exhibition of Yumble's work in the tiny third floor gallery, unaware of the recent hard-work undertaken by a discerning community of Hylotrupes bajulus (woodworm beetles).

58 - A Self-Defeating Strategy

The central problem for Axel Sanciere is that Katlyst Brough, grande dame of publishing, having promoted his previous best-selling volume ‘Smash the Education System - Why the Zone of Proximal Development is a Teachers’ Con Trick’, is now less interested in his proposed history of Russian beverages, called ‘The Wygotsky Tea Years’. Samuel Quinine nods as the professor explains his difficulties. They agree that Brough is only interested in sensationalism. For a moment they consider approaching Brough’s arch-rival, the splenetic Melanie Grintclaw, but decide that this would be a self-defeating strategy. Tentatively, Samuel suggests that the professor might consider self-publishing, and that the infant genius Kolya may be of assistance.

57 - It’s just short-sighted

The myopic Axel Sanciere has been directed to Dido Doolittle’s shop by the porter at the Old Pull and Push Tavern. He has miraculously found his way to the high street only once losing his way when he stumbled into Tight Knit, the extreme haberdashery and wool store next to the post office. Cecily Fingal (the owner of Tight Knit, and local crochet expert) redirects him to Back Room Books, but somehow he ends up in Yifitsinprint Books where for the first time he meets Samuel Quinine. There is an immediate meeting of minds and it is agreed that they should meet up for lunch, and discuss Axel’s forthcoming book.