79 - Vendetta

Cecily Fingal is keeping a low profile. Riddled with guilt she suspects that the local Detritus and Materials Officer has found the hidden pornographic photos of her, and is now stalking her for nefarious reasons. Her husband, Leroy (the estate agent), is currently at a Management Seminar in Ystradgunlois which gives her a couple of days to sort things out. Disastrously she decides to seek help from Melanie Grintclaw, the greatly feared splenetic self-publicising literary agent. Grintclaw decides to exploit the situation to further her current vendetta against estate agents. She writes an article firmly blaming the innocent Leroy which will appear in tomorrow’s  Hay and Gwair News and Gazette.

78 – The Mask of Utility

Under the pretext of contributing to the Community Recycling Facility, Cecily Fingal (the local crochet expert, and owner of ‘Tight Knit’, the extreme haberdashery and wool store) dumps six years worth of ‘You had me in stitches’ – the western region newsletter of the British Knitters League. At the neighbourhood dump the local council detritus and materials officer gives her a dubious nod and allows her to pass. However he notes her name in his blue Filofax. She is mortified by his doubts and questions, for amongst the piles of purl and plain patterns, and double-stitch waistcoat templates are a large number of pornographic publications in which she had once appeared.

77 - Powys Blue Mountain Gin

The plan is for Malvolio Claxendell to take his visitors for a final stroll along the banks of the River Wye, and to stop at the Old Pull and Push for some light refreshments. However due to a severe discrepancy between intention and performance (as a result of last night's overindulgence in Powys blue mountain gin) the proposal is put on hold, and the travellers spend the morning prostrate on the sofas at the Eiger Vault, the local Club for Rest and Recuperation. At ten thirty Claxendell just about manages to struggle across the road to feed the neighbour's pet ocelot  Meanwhile Rabbi Oud Ramonides is off somewhere being spiritual.

76 – Seeing is believing

There is a knock at the door, and Justin Lobbos shuffles through from his parlour. At the door is Alphonse Callooh with his sketch of the cuneiform patterns. Lobbos looks at it and shakes his head, muttering ‘No good at all!’ He shuffles back to the parlour. ‘You see,’ he explains to Callooh,’ there may well be lines or markings that you have missed. That makes all the difference.’ He tuts and hurrumphs for a while. ‘No. I’ll need to see the original.’ Callooh tries to persuade him to return to Gwair, but after his embarrassing experience last time, he is reluctant to go within twenty  miles of the village.

75 - Mascarene Swiftlets - a threatened species

With the departure of Carmel Weinz  and the end of the Bookfest, the nascent relationship between Clarissa Thorogood  (horticulturalist) and Agnieszka McFarlane (librarian) finally has a chance to be nourished. Deep in conversation, they stroll across the hills to Ritileine Clump, the ridge of trees above the Begwyns. As they descend to the serene lake, they meet up with Abdul Hasib ibn Burd who has returned to pen his amorous quatrains and sketch his ornithological line drawings. He gives each of them a tiny ink drawing of a mascarene swift (that he drew in the island of Agalega in Mauritius). When they return to Gwair they have the pictures framed.

74 - Genuine tragedies in the world are not conflicts between right and wrong

The good residents of Hay-on-Wye sigh with relief at the end of the Autumnal Bookfest of their little neighbour Gwair. The chaotic festival is over and the clear-up begins. Volunteers fan out through the streets of the town, and across the surrounding fields. In the course of this operation Wilfriede Organdy (from the Frabjous Tea Rooms) finds the stone. It seems to be an ancient piece of pottery. She puts it in her apron pocket, and later shows it to her brother, Alphonse Callooh, the taxidermist. He takes it home and sits up all night tracing its intricate designs onto paper. It is a cuneiform critique of Hegelianism as irrational. 

73 - It’s all gravy

The final event of the Gwair Autumnal Bookfest should have been a literary-musical soiree, but instead Melanie Grintclaw has invited Aron Cledgling whose gig is now taking place in Capite Knoll, a large paddock just past the village hall. As the crowds jostle in the mud, the lights dim, and the squeal of feedback introduces the star of the evening. However as he starts to speak there is a flash, and sparks fly. The system has crashed again. As a stream of damp spectators begins to drift away, Cledgling jumps up and screams ‘Don’t jet yet folks, we have an obese robni which is off the hinges. It’s all gravy!’