26 - The Small Faces

Rabbi Oud Ramonides, truth-seeker, renowned kabbalist and man of peace, has been so taken with the buzz of the Upstart Gala that he has extended his stay in Gwair-on-Wye. He moves out of the upstairs luxury room with en-suite at the Old Pull and Push Tavern, and rents a small apartment by the river. He is currently deeply engrossed in unravelling a difficult passage in the book known as the Idra Zuta. As he walks by the rapidly flowing waters, he sees an orchard on the other bank, and he recites 'Behold the dew dropping to the field of apples, and all the field of apples shines from that dew'.

אַ העלפט ענטפער אויך זאגט עפּעס - 25

The heatwave over Gwair is causing problems for many. In the cool of the shaded Hotseplots  Woods, Lapricia Organdy and Samuel Quinine are relaxing over tall glasses of Italian Semillon, whilst a few yards away the Infant Genius, Kolya, has finally managed a successful test run of his tabletop ponderomotive synchrotron. In his childish imagination he wonders if he could use it to create high-aspect-ratio microstructures using Lithography, Electroplating, and Molding, but Lapricia, having abandoned her attempts to use Raman spectroscopy to detect copper resinate pigment in the painting of Tintern Abbey, thinks it might be possible to exploit Kolya’s invention for the purpose. Half an answer also says something.

24 - We'll get there

It is lunchtime at the Old Pull and Push. Antoine de Kunilemel, news journalist from Hagnag (aka the Hay and Gwair News and Gazette) is drowning his sorrows with poet-philosopher Abdul Hasib ibn Burd. They chew over the cud of local issues, and Hasib suggests to his companion that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness would be better served if instead of dubious truths, Antoine would pen words of inspiration and hope. Antoine looks at him in confusion. After all surely the job of the journalist is to spread despair. The landlord looks over, a few minutes later, and sees they are both asleep, heads together, nodding and snoring.

23 - Leonard Woolf's Kindle

The Upstart Gala is over, and following an unexpected but inevitably temporary rapprochement between Dido Doolittle (Back Room Bookshop) and Malvolio Claxendell (Yifitsin Print Books), a literary gala committee is set up, in order to coordinate the development of literary establishments and services in Gwair. After dealing with sanctions against Kolya (the Infant Genius) for the misuse of his table-top synchrotron, the most urgent issue on the agenda is the application by E-Bargum, retailer of e-readers, who wants to acquire the leasehold on number 26. ‘Well we should at least consider it,’ Malvolio insists.  Dido looks at him in scorn and asks, ‘But what would Virginia Woolf think of e-books?’ 

22 - The Prime Cause

The sunny weather has tempted thousands to Gwair to celebrate the Upstart Gala. The shops are doing brisk business and the street food outlets are spreading their fragrant smoky vapours around the quaint streets.  All would be well, but just as Kolya activates his ponderomotive synchrotron, the skies cloud over and a hard rain starts to fall. This signals the start of a dramatic mass  departure, leading to traffic jams exacerbated by a breakdown in the traffic light system. Malvolio Claxendell curses the weather, but Abdul Hasib ibn Burd, the Poet-Philosopher, suggests that  the responsibility  (though not necessarily the blame) may  be laid at the door of the Infant Genius.

21 - A Bug in the Works

In the water meadows beyond the Old Pull and Push Tavern in Gwair, ‘The Upstart Gala’ weekend kicks off  with an extraordinary  joyous rendition by Scabby Felix, the iron grunge octet,  of their best known track ‘You will be mighty’. (Some sedate visitors look a little alarmed).  At Yifitsin Books, Samuel Quinine is hosting the colloquium ‘Writers in their Landscape’ featuring Abdul Hasib ibn Burd, which has been scheduled to end in time for  Dido Doolittle’s specially commissioned oratorio ‘The Seven Muses’ (by Myfanwy Detroit). However Kolya’s test running of his ponderomotive synchrotron is delayed when he opens up the Lobachevsky diode and discovers a tarantula in the plasma channel.

20 - Leftovers

While those involved in tomorrow’s ambitious Upstart Gala are busily making final arrangements, few people have noticed that today the Village Hall is hosting the annual conference of the  West Herefordshire Theraphosid Society. The blinds are drawn, and the heating is set to high. The delegates are now parading along the rows of black- topped tables and closely examining the prize tarantulas on display.  Alphonse Callooh (the transvestite taxidermist) has organised this years’s event. Luckily this doesn’t involve too much unpleasantness  since tarantulas produce negligible amounts of faeces, although when they have finished feeding they do leave small balls of indigestible leftovers which have to be removed from their tanks.